This is me and this is real.

My heart is bleeding again for the longest time,why is that, I don't have the guts to say what I'm feeling to someone?I don't know, maybe I'm too scared to reveal my true feelings...for I'm afraid to be dumped. Again!I don't know people around me thinks I'm a homo. but the thing is I really don't consider my self as one, but no offense with the mentioned party. But I really stand in the word of God that He only created Man and Woman. It's actually not an identity crisis as what they all say, and I don't consider it as hiding in the closet, I'm happy for what I am being a man no identity issue as what others think, well they don't know me personally.. Well I can't blame them I know I can be childish at times, sometimes my actions are so femme compared to all the so called "Boy Next Door" or those "barumbado guys", which In my opinion caused by peer pressure or what not, brought about by a community, well I guess it was establish way, way back, that thinks being masculine is being so bulky, muscle bound, and has been laid down a million times with different girls, but that's not me. Don't want to make myself an action figure they do dress up they add accessories and stuff, just so happy to be me, a Man, with all due respect to all the living things on earth. This is me and this is real.

created April 18, 2010 4:00-6:22 pm

written by Patrick B. Mendoza

How painful that is...

When I see you,
and I hear you -
talking about someone else.
It made me wish it was me.
When you talk about the pain,
and see those tears flow,
I wish I can wipe them for you...
but I can't.
for who am I in your life,
I'm no one, nobody.

Sometimes it made me think,
why wouldn't you notice me?
or choose me instead!
But I cannot teach someones heart,
nor make someone like me,
for that's not right.
But wish I can.

"But", always but, nothing but "but"
no assurance nor possibility,
If by chance we can be together.
I will enjoy and cherish
each moment and be grateful.
However it can't be,
for we have boundaries.

So I'll just bare with the situation,
I'll just look and indulge myself -
looking at your face.
Drooling and dreaming, enjoying
the moment of happiness.

Creating a world.
A world that you and I,
are together. Happy!
A world I created alone,
a place where we can stay together in love.
But in reality we cannot.
And how painful that is....


written by:
Patrick B. Mendoza
April 07, 2010
inspired by a true story